Back To The Start
by The Mighty DYLDO
Summary: Um... I'll get back to this one when I'm finished with my current story, which won't be uploaded until it is completely planned out. this story has potential, but i got bored. will return though, just might be a while.
1. It's just a jump to the left

**Going back to the start****, by The Mighty DYLDO! Oh yeah! [rock]**

_**Note. This tale is fanfiction. This means that apart from any new characters I introduce, such as, oh, let's call the main character John Drake, all other characters and locations are owned by their respective owners. Also, Seriously, , you need to have this at the top of the page alongside the 'unleash your imagination' bit, so we don't have to type this every time, sheesh. Also, if you're reading this, anyone else interested in a sort-of fanfiction con? Where fanfiction writers meet up, hang out for a bit, play some games, swap ideas… That kinda thing. Doesn't even have to be in the real world, could just be a series of Facebook and online gaming things… [that way even people on the other side of the world can join in]… A person suggested this to me some time ago, and ya know what, I like it. Anyway, enough ranting. Time for your appointed time travel tale. I'd like to note that this OC thinks like me. [okay, he is me, but under the name John Drake [unless I forget what I called him halfway through]… And thusly, when thinking of time travel…. Well, let's just say that he knows a lot of Muggle-based popular refrences.**_

_**Also, I would like to note that his magical abilities are average, although he has a slight affinity for machines. Basically, we're dealing with a super hot magical male version of the already super hot female mechanic Winry from FMA. Except my dude's got brown hair. And is at least as manly as… Hmm… Light Yagami from Death Note. Okay, you following my references so far? [note: this tale is set after the events of the Potter series. LONG AFTER. Harry's kids have grown up. Harry is now a rich billionaire in both magical and Muggle worlds. So, what does he do? Start a heroic thingymabob, of course.]**_

"Are you sure this is going to work, John?"

"Oh, yeah… I've been testing it on rats and everything, the whole scientific process applied to magic… This is what my entire life has been leading up to…"

"And you acknowledge the risks in going back in time like this, right?"

"Yep. Let's see… Could accidentally erase myself from existence… Could cause a temporal paradox, which, if you believe a relatively cheap in modern terms movie from the 80s and a bunch of theoretical mages, will cause the destruction of all reality… Could cause Voldemort to know that we know about Horcruxes early… Yeah. But it will be worth it to prevent deaths."

"But you weren't even born then! These people died before your time."

"Yes, but my family is non-magical, all the way back. We weren't involved at any point. You wizards might as well have been in a separate dimension for all any of my lineage cared. But one thing we did care about is helping those in need."

"Very well. You seem resolute… But… When you see my younger self… Try not to laugh, okay?"

"Yes, Mister Potter…" I said, smiling at the former legend before me.

_From the Boy-Who-Lived to the Old-Man-With-A-Lot-Of-Money-Who-Has-Too-Much-Time-On-His-Hands… Part of me thinks that, for your life, it kinda sucks that Voldemort died. You need a goal, and adversary… And you, Potter, are fighting Death itself. Saving those who died… It seems silly to take on something that you know is going to happen… I guess that's why you're using me. I'm young and fresh, you're old and… Well, beginning to smell like something is getting moldy. And since your wife died a few years ago, you've been going nuts. At least your kids are doing okay._

[**Author's Note: Yeah, that's probably a bit too much revealing of the past… Let's move on to our time machine!**]

I went over to the machine.

"Flip the lever, Igor!" I shouted to Harry.

"Aye, master!" he said, pretending to be a hunchback.

He flipped the lever.

Then I quickly jumped into the time machine that I had cobbled together.

Coupling Muggle and Wizard technologies and arts together, I had built a… A vehicle of beauty.

Out of pure fanboyism, I based it on the Delorean in the Back To The Future Movies, but using a enchanted Smart Car as the actual vehicle.

So, it would appear to a Delorean to anyone except those wearing a particular glyph as a tattoo on their arm, such as myself and Harry, in the timestream in which the movies existed.

To anyone before… It would probably appear as a horse.

_How the heck would I check that the horse look works is… well, it's impossible. I just hope that it makes the rider look like we're on top of the horse, not inside it or anything.. Ah well gone too far to worry about it now.._

I chose a Smart Car since it looked fairly simple and bubbly, and was small enough to be highly manouverable.

Couple that with a pixie-dust/fusion fuel source, with an unlimited supply of pixie dust and a TARDIS-esque size fuel tank, It could get anywhere really fast for a long time.

There was only one small problem with the vehicle choice.

It was tiny, and the charm of the Smart Car would be ruined by making pocket dimensions within it to make it bigger on the inside. Being almost six foot myself, a Smart Car makes a poor vehicle.

But, as a time machine… It was pretty nifty.

Instead of a flux capacitor, I had installed a Time Turner, still fairly rare [read Mr Potter's biography to find out why this is so… Kinda sucks. Time travel was touched upon twice, but no-one ever used it properly except the once, with Mr Black.], but the art of making them had been found in an expedition to another universe… Don't ask me the details, that's more of a thing for a certain blonde beauty to describe some other time… Ah, Rhian Lovegood… Who apparently goes by the name Sol now, but no-one really calls her that except for her mother, herself, and her father, but since he's dead, her mother's gone a bit more insane whilst still being hot [**the actress who played Luna WAS rather hot, actually… However, when I think of Luna in the written form, I think of the actress who played Cassie in Skins. Not only was she VERY Luna-ish… She was very… Hot. More so than the actual Luna actress. So imagine Cassie in this tale whenever I mention Luna. If I do. Which I doubt. Maybe after 10 chapters or something. I wonder who Sol's father is… And how come our protoganist thinks she's beautiful? And those two questions are unrelated. Our OC is not Sol's father. As the creator of this extra tale, I can guarantee that Luna's eggs were never touched by a timetraveller's seed, hehe. [that doesn't really stop me from making it some other OC's seed... [stop revealing unimportant plot points you haven't fully decided on! [sorry [and stop opening brackets![but you just did :P [GRAAAGGGGHHHH!]]]]]**]… Yeah, pretty much just she who calls herself that.

Harry's lever pulling would activate the machine with the first spark of magical energy, allowing the vehicle to be controlled with my or any other wand that I conquer. Therefore only I would be able to control it.

What? I didn't want the events of the 2nd BTTF movie to hit me, did I? Urgh… I am NOT giving any of the Malfoys [the obvious equivalents of the Tannens where I was going] a time machine….

I flicked a few dozen toggles on the dashboard [**AU: inside, it's a lot like a airplane dash… And since only those marked with the glyph mentioned above can see the vehicle's true form, it can be dangerous to have others on board they'd press buttons without knowing it… Especially if they existed before the Back To The Future movies… People don't really care where they're holding a horse… Actually, it'd be rather complex to explain how the magic would make them think they're riding closely on a horse when actually sitting to one side… Let's just say that it works since its magic [invocation #24, I believe, in D&D circles. "it's just magic, okay?"] and move on…**……**These aren't the plotholes you're looking for. Move along, move along.**] and concentrated.

_Let's get up to 88 miles per hour,_

_Somewhat slower than the speed of light,_

_C'mon now magic, give us the power,_

_To bring an end to the darkness that had afflicted the Light._

_I come from another time, to rescue those who were not before,_

_To save the young, the old, and the poor,_

_And even the wicked from their ghastly schemes._

_[**um... sorry about this. I just like the idea of really powerful magic needing to be in song form. And since this is a spell that Harry and John came up with... Both Muggle-raised, so... They'd put their own stuff in, just for a laugh. At least, I would anyway.]**_

I murmured mentally, as the spell required.

_Round and round time we go, and where we stop, nobody knows!_

I had a strange sensation of being on a roulette wheel.

The magic came to me as the words popped into my head… I suppose since the machine warped space in order to travel time, I suppose there was no avoiding this song…

_You just do a step to the left… And a jump to the ri-ri-ri-right…_

The sensation of lips surrounded me, as though I was being kissed by a giant.

_You put your hands on your hips…_

One of the historical images of Proffessor Granger appeared before my eyes, her hands on her hips.

_And then the pelvic thrust… Which really drives you insay-ay-ay-ay-ane… _

_LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN… LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!!! [**I really couldn't resist this. Once again, sorry. :P**]_

_To Harry Potter's 1__st__ Year!_

Then there was a even more strange sensation of being punched, and then a sensation of being Floo'd to another place.

-

Then… There was nothing. And then there was light. And then there was even more light.

And then I felt like I was burning in the light.

_Okay, okay… Can this light stop! The shielding and gassing should be kicking in Four, Three, Two, One._

The Light dimmed and the world focused.

Then the gas flooded the cabin, as planned.

_Good. Now this doesn't feel so weird._

The Gas was an experimental anti-weirdness potion, in a gaseous form, designed to calm down patients and victims alike. It could counteract any hallucinogen, and could also make a human relax… But too much can make a person forget to breathe, being so relaxed with reality.

_And trust me, there's something to be stressed about when travelling purely through magical and mechanical means through a dimension only meant to be travelled one direction… I wonder if there's a time-equivalent of valves that makes it so, and if so, am I breaking them, allowing the future to mess with the present?_

_Ah, hakuna matata. No worries. Chill, Man! Relax… Let the machine do the hard work now… It's time to plan my attack on history._

I opened the glove box, and pulled out a biography.

** Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone. Published by Blourish and Blotts, Written under alias of J.K. Rowling in the altered Muggle version, as a children's book, written by Miss Lily Potter**

Dang I loved how Harry's kids came up with such a realistic name "J.K"… It was them who published it… One of them, I forget what her name is since she lives by her Muggle name now, currently is living off the success that her Father's story gave her… Albus is now a leading politician… And the others… Well, they're still in that band, aren't they… Wish they'd stop… Or at least go into metal… Introducing shrieks and screaming noises into what is supposed to be pop music really doesn't work.

**Prologue: The end to the madness?**

I read the first chapter.

Harry was given to the Dudleys in the early 90s. Voldemort was believed dead, but Harry was given to them for two reasons. One, to ensure that he had the protection of the blood of his mother, since his aunt shared the same blood, and also, to prevent any former Death Eaters from attacking him. Blood protection wouldn't have done much against anyone who wasn't the one who killed Lily.

Not much to say then until the moment Harry realised that he was odd.

The bullied boy was taken to a zoo for reasons unknown and rather bizarre. Harry was never taken to anything like that before, and the biography merely mentioned that Vernon didn't want Harry on his own, since he might cause damage in the house. Seemed suspcicious to me.

Next thing we know, he's talking to snakes and the glass was completely Vanished.

This is interesting. Vanishment is a rather powerful magical ability, and although famous, Harry had never shown that kind of power later on in his life.

However, it is possible that he reached the peak of his ability whilst "sparking"… It has been known to happen.

He then was sent a letter by Albus Dumbledore, which was torn up by Vernon. This occurred repeatedly, and apparently it reached the stage where Dumbledore sent Hagrid.

Again, strangely out of character for him. Surely Dumbledore would have gone himself to meet his most important student… Also technically the future cause of his death, but he wouldn't have known that yet.

Then, Dudley Dursley was transfigured temporarily into a pig-child by Hagrid's illegally kept wand, hidden in his umbrella [surely the broken wand would be unusable, right? Hmm. Ministry were sloppy yet again.], Hagrid terrifies everyone, Harry gets a cake, and the two go off to Diagon Alley.

Theoretically, I should be landing around the time Harry receives the wand with Fawkes' feather in it.

However, I'll be on the other side of the city…

The etheric transducers began to glow, and I knew the time was now.

I was going to have my age reduced, but my memory intact. This was going to be a highly intensive charm, which allowed my brain to be its full adult size, with all the memories, but the rest of my body had a 11-year old form.

Oh, and I was to have already gone through the more difficult stages of puberty. I made SURE of that.

I felt my body contort and shrink, and felt the agony as my nerve cells were destroyed in my arms and a lot of muscle was destroyed.

I felt my mind shrink, and for a moment I suspected that my mind maintainence spells were failing, but then it returned to its regular size.

"… Fucking Hell." I said.

The brightly shifting colours began to slow their shifting, and gradually they settled into shapes.

_Building. Building. Road. Lampost. Goat. Policeman. Man. Robes. Wait, goat?_

I watched as a rather familiar face from my early childhood appeared.

_Aberforth. Must've jumped too far. Never mind._

I kicked the machine, and the date reset itself, and then almost instantaneously, the landscape shifted and resolved into Hogwarts.

_Well… I was aiming for London… But whatever. Let's just take down Quirrel by throwing Harry at him, and then work with everyone to get Voldy's Horcruxes, before he goes ahead and kills someone._

I got out of the car, and pressed the invisibility button. Harry had actually lent me his cloak for this purpose, and it actually used its own magical power to fuel the car's own invisibility powers.

_Hmm… I suspect the date's still off…_

I saw a Thestral stroked its neck for a bit.

"Hey, fella… Can you take me up to the school? I'm trying to save all of humanity here…"

The Thestral nodded, with an intelligence that not many suspect in equine creatures, and then knelt down to let me on.

I got on.

"Yee-hah!" I shouted, and after hearing what sounded like a groan from the Thestral, we rode off to the main entrance.

* * *

**Uh... Yeah. So... What do you think? I've never actually shown anyone a Potter fic I've written [not on Fanfiction, anyway... There is a certain Restricted Section that I shall not link for it has adult content [okay, a bit of a duh there] upon which I have attempted to write some slashes in the Potterverse...**

**I was really tempted to carry on my Dylan Parry series and throw him into the Potter universe, but since that's me, it would be a bit difficult for me to prevent lusting after Hermione, Luna, Ginny [to a lesser extent. I really didn't like Ginny in the movies. The books were okayish. She felt like "obvious damsel in distress/generic girlfriend with an army of a family if he mistreats her" type of girl.], and, last but not least, probably Cho... But that's mostly if it was my own personal book version of the universe, where Cho Chang has actually got he body and shape of a certain friend of mine with a similar name... But that's a story for an account which isn't known by my friends, hehe.**

**Incidentally, I just found out that JK had released an official family tree of the post-story characters.**

**Luna has children to someone called... Rolf.**

**Why have I got two images of my mind. One of Cassie from skins having sex [yay] with Harry [there's more chemistry there than with Ginny, I'll tell ya that!]**

**And secondly, of a really rough, barbarian viking of a man doing it to her. The two images aren't really nice.**


	2. Bak in Skool Let'z rool

**Hi! Let's get on with this!**

**Everything is owned by its respective owners except that which is mine, but, to be fair, that's probably based on another character I've stored in my subconscious memory… Nothing is original!!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!**

**[note. Front brain has gone off in a mental fit. Hind brain will be continuing our story of… BACK TO THE START!]**

**[I just noticed that I made like 12 references to Back To The Future in the first chapter… And the title is kinda loosely based on it too. I guess watching the whole 3 movies and a few episodes of the terrible cartoon almost no-one's heard of a few days ago was a bad move.]**

**[I'll try to avoid the sheer level of A/Ns this time… I overdid it, but this is the first Potterfic I've been taking seriously enough to upload.]**

**Where were we? Oh, yes. Riding a noble steed towards the dark castle in the middle of the night.**

I rode the thestral with a sense of pride.

I knew I had gone back in time, and here was the proof.

There were various parts of the school which you know well if you've been in it for the amount of time any student has.

One thing you notice in old photos is the degradation of the walls. Time Travel enhances this effect greatly.

The school looked… Intensely more like it did when I first entered it as a 14 year old than it was back then. If that made any sense. Which it doesn't. But meh.

_Ah… Those were the days… When being a late bloomer in magic, being completely undetected by any magical agency of having any power made most think of you as being like a Squib… I sure showed those Hufflepuff tarts in year 3… Seriously, it is SO obvious when you set up a guy so elaborately for heartbreak. Besides… I was more into the scandals one could get when you're a Gryffindor sleeping with a Slytherin. Heh. Despite being phallic, I rather like snakes now._

The gates parted in front of me, and then I entered the main lobby-type area.

I dismounted the Thestral, and it ran off into the Forest.

Since the school's architechture took a lot of cues from various parts of British History, a great deal from Tudorian, there was no real rooms that could be considered as a reception area originally.

However… This was a close as one could get.

A head of house waiting at the top of some wobbly loose steps that are probably a hazard, but I knew for a fact that they lasted at least until 2054 in their current state.

"Hello, Professor McGonagall! You don't quite know me yet, but I'm a wizard, as I can prove by Transfiguring that wall over there."

I pointed my wand. Transfiguration is actually rather easy for me, since I use it a lot with machines. Also, since it's not alive, the magic comes even easier for me.

I turned it into a pane of solid glass.

"I wasn't sent a letter… But I believe that my power alone will be sufficient?" I said, smiling as I saw the wall I transfigured was one I was always curious about in my first year at Hogwarts… The Gryffindor girls fifth year bathing room.

McGonagall seemed shocked.

"Yeah, I know. 320 points lost for using my magic to embarrass those fifth years?"

"… Yes."

"So, am I in?"

"Yes… Run along to the main hall. We'll sort out your details later, just get Sorted."

She waved me along.

"Thanks…" I said, then walked promptly to the big doors.

_Time to rock out. Preferably with my cock IN my pants this time… We don't want a repeat of that attempt to introduce metal music to the wizarding folk… Muggleborns got what I was on about, they just didn't like how my pants got burnt away by old Ferinda… She always was rather direct._

I opened the door with a kick.

"Yo! Hogwarts! I hope you've woken up, since here's a big challenge for your hat! Let's do this thing!"

_Urgh… I probably shouldn't have talked like a chav there. Still, the cockyness coupled with an almost experienced level of magical knowledge should make this fun at least._

I had every face looking at me. It looked like Filch was just about to take the hat and put it away.

"What, never seen a man wearing jeans before? Pfft, noobs."

This got some quickly silenced laughter off some rather obviously Red Shirt Ensign-esque Hufflepuffs.

I walked up to the hat. Put it on.

Then the voice was in my head.

_Oh dear, oh my… time traveller, eh? I'll keep mum about it, don't worry, young mister Drake…. Even to your future self…. So… Do you wish to do the same as last time, or try something new? You have an almost equal degree of all the traits for each House… A rare thing… In fact, the only thing you shine on is…. Non-animated objects, and making them work in a mechanical way using magic to help. Heh. Magical Engineer indeed._

_No need to think, good sir, I can sense the answer in your mind. You seek to save those lost, a brave and honourable thing indeed. You are truly a… _"GRYFFINDOR!" _… again, hehe._

There was applause. I got a lot of questions… I kept to my cover story.

_Orphan, Unnoticed by ministry, found out through careful sleuthing that magic did exist, started to gain control over it._

I noticed a young Hermione was very much… Not. Interested in me.

Which was odd on 2 levels, since,

Girls are usually like that when it turns out that years later after getting drunk with them that they were attracted to me at first…. [**AN: this is true. Girls who show no interest in me initially tend to become good friends if I like them for any reason, and then they spout out that they had a crush on me way back when I was interested in them. Seriously, girls, tell me when I was eager to be with you, rather than wait until we're almost brother-sisterly in friendship, okay?]**

I knew Hermione Granger as the National Mage Library's Head Librarian back home. At the age of 83. Some images are rather horrible when looking at a younger, more fresh version of an old woman who looked disgusting.

I ignored her ignoring… ness of me.

I spoke animatedly to Harry, trying to pretend I didn't know who he was.

Harry (old) told me this would've been a good way to build trust with his young self.

Also, since my cover story made me an orphan, we eventually had that in 'common'.

My parents were apparently killed by accident in a Death Eater attack on central London halfway through the war, according to my story.

It was a rather obscure part of the 1st war against Riddle, so… I supposed no-one would look for Drakes on the list of deaths.

From what I could gather, everything had happened exactly the same as it did in the official biography until now.

My arrival seemed to be really weirding people out, and one Gryffindor, a boy called Dean, said that he could somehow sense that I wasn't meant to be there.

It may have been a mistake making a big entrance. Ah well. Might as well enjoy myself being back in school again.

We were to have a week of getting used to the school and its peculiarities.

I had plans to spend a lot of it getting close to the Trio. Well. Mostly Harry, since he was instrumental.

This first year led to no-one's deaths, except perhaps Quirrel, but the history books were sketchy as to what happened to him, so…

Towards the end of our 'welcome week', I suggested to the three that we should go to the seventh floor of the main castle, since none of them had been there before. I had a plan.

_I need a room that will make Harry strong enough to take on Voldemort quickly. Perhaps a place where we can train?_

We walked past the wall of the Room of Requirement. Nothing happened. I tried to amplify my thoughts, using the few bits of legilimency that I knew. Nothing. Perhaps we did not need the room just yet.

"Hmm. Nothing here. I suppose we'd better get back."

[**AN: Yeah, sorry for the time jump for this welcome week I made up, but I had plans for it, but realised that a week is a REALLY long time, especially since they're confined to the castle grounds. Basically they explored, found out about the weirder aspects of the school… John wanted to train up Harry in all the things he knows by the Deathly Hallows. That way, there's less danger for the trio. Also, non-verbal magic would be taught too. However… The best way to do this would be via the Room of Requirement. But… The room doesn't deem it nesecary just yet. Could it be that Hogwarts itself is sentient? Perhaps.]**

That night, the final night before we started school proper, everyone went to sleep alarmingly quickly.

I couldn't sleep.

I used a charm revealing spell, and saw a great deal of magic nullifying charms imbued in the walls of the school, active right now.

_Hmm. So they've placed nullifiers, which is making all those with the Trace feel weary… That way there's no late night duelling._

_Heh. My magic's still working… I guess changing my physical age doesn't give me the Trace… I wish I had time to take it apart and analyse it… Being able to mark a group of people with a certain identifier like that'd be pretty useful in later years…_

I got up, and walked out of the common room.

It rather irritated me how old fashioned my fellow students were. Also, it didn't help that a lot of the cute girls I had seen previously in the future as old women.

_Time travel… I HATE Time travel. Now, I'm all for hot girls, but not when you've seen them in their 80s, with saggy breasts and twelve kids._

_Perhaps I should have gone with the original plan and killed Voldemort when he was still innocent… But apparently that would make me just as bad as him… Hmm… A little journey into the future until tomorrow wouldn't do much harm, would it? Jump into the future, see what changes have happened, then return here, and tweak things…. Only problem is… I don't want to make too many jumps. Supercharging that Time Turner was probably a bad move. They were originally designed for short hops in time, hours, not years._

_I guess there's no helping it. I'm stuck in this time until I get there naturally. I probably should dismantle the time machine partially, lest someone discovers it by accident. And besides, I've got the biography inside. Surely Harry's history would change if I changed bits, right?_

I walked out of the castle, casting various spells and charms about the place to prevent myself from being detected.

"_Muffilatio! Abstractum invisiblis maxima! Invisiblio! Undetectebalblis!_"

I felt tempted to cast a intangible spellsong, but I didn't. Spellsongs tended to erode normal magics, which is why they're not very well favoured. Also, there has to be some rhymes in there, and sometimes it can be a stretch to find a rhyme… in time.

The only benefit to them is that they can be done in any language that the caster understands, rather than all the ridiculous Latin bullshit they teach in schools.

Oh, and you can also get rich out of your songs, if you go into the Muggle music industry.

I got out of the castle, and walked beyond the school grounds.

"Revelio machinus Time Travel!" I said, improvising slightly, since I didn't know if machinus was a latin word, and I couldn't remember the words for time travel…

_Did the Romans ever even dream of this?_

I opened the door, and got the important stuff out of my glove box.

_Book documenting the next 9 years? Check._

_Super-powered digitial watch from Argos in the year 2043? Check._

_Lightsaber? I wish._

_Time Turner? Check. I'll wear it as a magic tattoo. Most of these kids won't know what it is, and the others won't have been told how to use it… Probably. Better make it somewhere discrete… Well, since I'm not going to have sex back here... Better do it as a spellsong, just to make sure it evades any normal magical attack._

"_Magic, Smagic, give me the power, to turn this Turner into a picture of a flower! A rose, Nice smell to the nose, but only on my flesh, as a tattoo… Now hurry up since I need to go to the loo!"_

The Time Turner disappeared, and just above my groin, was a tiny tattoo of a rose.

Also, my steering wheel disappeared, and appeared as a identical rose on my right buttock.

_Okay… Next time, I'm going to be more specific. Just as well my wheels didn-_

My wheels disappeared, and then both of my testicles had the design of a flower on them.

"Oh for Hecate's sakes! What's next, the various other turning devices in the engine, like the cams and gears and suchlike?"

I felt a surge of magic flow from me, and then my entire car disappeared.

A series of vines appeared on my legs, and on each branch of the leg, a rose appeared.

_I'm getting fed up of roses… Ah well. So long as I only ever expose my top naked to everyone at most, then I should be safe from the, what, 2 and a half people [All Slytherin] who could use these against me… And that's assuming they know about spellsongs, which I doubt… Urgh… I look like a garden from the waist down._

I then realised that to anyone that would have looked, I had been watching the inside of my pants outside for 3 hours. I buttoned up my jeans again, and walked back inside the school.

Dawn had arrived, and it was time to rock this joint.

-

**A/N. Yeah… He's got rosy balls. I found this amusing, and it caused me to man-giggle. Um… Yeah, I realised early on that, to John, all of these young, gradually succumbing to their hormone teenagers are a, too young for him, since he's got the mental age of, what, 25? And also b, kinda weird, since he's seen a lot of them as old women in the future he comes from.**

**Interesting he didn't hide the book, right? What could he be planning? I don't even know myself, since I'm writing this by ear to avoid being bored in Law For Non-Lawyers… Eurch. I knew I should have gone for Chinese Business as my optional choice, but NOOO I picked something that's more general and is more impressive to employers, if they cared about my modules…**

**Um… I'm ranting again, aren't I? Sorry. Let's get back to your regular fanfiction!**

-

I was obviously up before everyone else. Being technically 25, I have memories of spending weeks without sleep when working on the time machine.

So… I guess I still had that stamina.

_Hmm. I'm stronger than I was at this age. Hey, I just saw a major flaw in this plan. I'm going to HAVE to go through puberty again… Some of it anyway. I think my balls have dropped… And I can't really check if I'm sexually capable with all these people around me while I sleep… My voice is an octave higher than my old one, but that's not much… I'm deeper than Ron, anyway. Weird to think of him as Ron and not Mrs Weasley's late husband… Ah well._

Our first lesson was Transfiguration.

"Right, class I am Professor McGonagall, today we're going to try a simple transfiguration. To turn salt into sugar. To see what you can do from your own books."

McGonagall must've been setting a impossible test for us here, to show that any one of us can fail, and that's why it's important to know what you're doing. A twelfth level transmutation using a mere bit of magical release?... I'd better cheat.

I watched as everyone else was struggling to do it. Well, mostly everyone. Hermione pulled out a piece of chalk and drew a simple alchemy circle- a circle with a square inside, familiar to anyone who had watched the anime Full Metal Alchemist.

I did a slightly more… advanced one.

I focused all my energy into the circle.

There was a crack of thunder outside despite it being clear outside. Then clouds appeared, darkening the sky.

Everyone seemed surprised by the sound, but then the clouds disappeared, and everyone continued with their work.

"_By the power of Greyskull, I transfigure this element!!!"_ I whispered to the pile of salt, once the noise of the class working could cover me. The salt glowed slightly, and began to change.

Obviously, I was using magic that was way too advanced for the class, because no-one else was doing something like this. To be fair, I don't remember learning this kind of magic in school…

_Was it the magical technique I invented whilst working on the time machine and watching too much anime? Ah, better tone it down then… Don't want these people to think I'm their saviour or anything… They'll get in my way and become vulnerabilities._

I let the spell go out of control. Luckily, such a mega-transfiguration was mostly just changing the structure of the molecules, so it was mostly heat that was given off with MY spell.

I burnt my desk though.

After getting a fresh pile of salt, I tried and failed to transfigure it.

Eventually, MacGonagall gave us the expected lecture about how one should always read up on what to do. She actually explained some tiny bits related to the alchemical process I was considering doing to make it transfigure. Hermione's one had mysteriously disappeared, leading to a soured face on her.

Eventually, the clock on the wall reached ten, and MacGonagall dismissed us all.

As I walked out, I noticed that she was examining the burnt wreckage of my first attempt closely.

I walked faster, lest I get asked about the traces of sugar that were possibly there.

-

Our next lesson was Potions, a lesson I was eager to get to. You don't create a petroleum/welsh pixie dust fuelled time machine without it, don't ya know? I mean, you have to know where to get pixie dust without killing pixies, which makes it more karmically capable of working…

Snape was… Actually rather nice. The book by Potter's kid, J.K, suggested that he was a complete and utter git, but he was actually a good teacher. He reminded me of the Muggle Teacher I had for Chemistry back before I was a wizard in his attitude. Maybe a lot slimmer and a bit more of a goth, but pretty much the same. Actually, sod the maybe, they were almost IDENTICAL in minds, except one can do hocus pocus stuff.

[**AN: I actually did have a chemistry teacher in secondary school who was very Snape-like… A complete git to those he doesn't like… but astonishingly nice and helpful to those who are doing so well that they don't need his help. I happened to be slotted into Set 2 in chemistry the year before set 1 was taught by him, and since set 2 were considered 'inferior people' by all of the people in set 1 and the chemistry teacher himself, we got a shitty education in the subject from his son, who only taught at the school because he couldn't get a job in pharmaceuticals. I mean… Urgh, for Osiris' sake, you don't TELL your pupils that you'd rather be working in a lab somewhere else… Anyway, back on topic, I'd like to note that John Drake was a latecomer to the magical arts. He didn't spark until he was 13, when a kid made fun of his slightly lonerish attitude, and he lashed out with a pen, magically imbuing the ink with various chemicals in the air to create a molecule not altogether unlike capacsin, one of many spicy molecules. The injury hurt even more with the burning sensation, and then John was brought into the wizarding world via… Um… I dunno… I'm trying to think of Hogwarts characters that are likely to pick him up, who aren't dead, ancient enough to be dead, or rather boring… Oh, let's just say it was…. Colin Creevey… Or something.]**

Funnily enough, I had skim read through the books to the end, so I knew a lot about Snape, so when he got fed up of being nice and started to criticise me about how I was cutting Gurdyroots [_Okay, now how come we're doing practicals in our first session? It was 10 seconds of notetaking, 50 minutes of practical…_], I just said:

"Sure… You're a Prince for helping me, ya know that?"

It was worth it to see his face turn from slight concern as to how I was doing into utter rage.

"How do you…"

"How do I what, sir? I was merely complementing your assistance with this process…" I said, matching the coldness in his voice.

_I have to admit. I can see where J.K could have thought of him as a git… But so long as you've got a reasonable alibi, he can't touch me. Mwahahahaha! Soon this school will be mi- um… let's ignore that._

-

After that lesson, there was a short break.

I hung out with the Trio, of course… I overheard people talking about the Quartet earlier, and I guess that meant that I was a part of them.

"Urgh… Snape gave us homework on the first day… Is he a nutter or what?" said Ron, the most ordinary person I have met who is dead when I'm born.

"Yeah… It's not like any of us were paying attention…" said Harry, sounding like an utter dimwit.

_I hope I wasn't like this when I was a kid… Then again, I recall fighting some sixth formers in muggle secondary, and I was SO stupid in how I did it… I mean, using a bag as a mace… Why didn't I just punch that sexist jerk, and then rescue the girl and all that shizz._

"Well, I thought it was very instructive!" said Hermione, irritating me greatly.

_Shut the fuck up, biatch! It's girls like you that create wife beaters. Actually, that's a bit harsh. But still!_

"Meh. He was a overgrown chemistry teacher, what more can I say?" I said, noting the looks on their faces as I said that.

_Humour. Then a sense of… uneasiness?_

_Could it be that they could subconsciously sense I'm from the future? Naaahh…_

"Haha John, you're one to talk!" Ron said.

"Whatd'ya mean?"

"You, saying something to Snape that made him leave you alone all lesson! And then being a complete swot and doing everything perfectly in the beginning… You LOOOVVEEE him…"

"Honestly, Ron, you sound like Peeves… I do NOT love any Professor, especially goth chemistry teacher ones."

After that was Charms, in which we wrote out a syllabus for the rest of the year. Flitwick was the most awesome midget EVER.

_It's weird though. He looks old now… And I recall him as he is in my time… that's a long time for someone to NOT AGE WHATSOEVER. Maybe he's a vampire-elf-dwarf-wizard-hairmonster hybrid… Sol was convinced that hairmonsters exist, and after everything I've seen in my life, I'm almost willing to agree with her._

_Almost._

_Ah, Sol… I'll be home before you know it. Just gotta save 'em all!_

I felt really gloomy then.

I realised that the Pokemon franchise would be practically unknown to most of these people, having joined the school right when it was getting popular in the Muggle world… _Perhaps I can… Create some spellsongs out of the main opening… Considering the song of the first series was mostly about becoming the 'very best'… I might be able to create something similar to Felix Felics out of it… Perhaps a ray form of Liquid Luck… Hehe. Maybe a raygun that shoots luck at those it is shot at. It would be useless as a gun, though… Okay, two modes. One with a misery ray, the other with luck. Combine them, and you'd have the luckiest person in the world, but is really miserable that he's luckier than everyone else._

I man-giggled at the thought of making Voldemort all gloomy despite giving him a lot of power.

After Charms, in which I mostly spent laughing and throwing paper airplanes, there was the one lesson I had been waiting for.

Defence Against The Dark Arts.

DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN….

**Um… Yeah. Still too many Author comments and character thoughts here, but it's a little more clear than the first chapter.**

**I always thought it would be more realistic for kids to Spark their magical abilities at completely random ages, when they finally stop being a kid and start to grow up.**

**Kids with no innocence and so on find they have magical abilities early, and if they notice them for even a second, they can develop it subconsciously until it reaches a state where it is detectable.**

**A child with lots of innocence, with the truth of the world obscured, with topics like sex and death being veiled, means that it will take longer for magic to start showing up.**

**I'd like to note though, that there is no age limit for discovering magic, and merely not being innocent is in no way a definite way to check that someone will have magical ability. They need to notice things happening around them of a magical nature, causing them to question things. I dunno… Like a person flying on a broom, for a nanosecond.**

**They don't even need to have it in their brains fully, just… floating around there, as a subconscious thought waiting to hatch into the conscious. Then… During times of deep stress [well, Magic IS a biological defence mechanism, right?] the child can spark this subconscious thought into altering reality.**

**Admittedly… Wizards just think that there's something special about magical people's blood, or the Muggleborns think it's DNA.**

**It takes until 2019 until the magical world works out the above, and it was kept under wraps until the year 2023. [uh… I might be a little out of kink with dates from time to time. I DIIDDD have a timeline written at some point, with complex things showing the changes John makes to the past as I planned them back then, but… Um… I had a girl over at my place, and… We kinda tore up my room… And I had to throw away a lot of paper since we made a lot of mess… The most fun night I've ever had in a while though!!! [actually, the true story is that I threw it away thinking it was scrap paper… It WAS really crinkled, so it was fair enough.]**


	3. Makeover Mage runescapereferenceWOO!

**So… Let's Rock out with Quirrel, eh people? Oh, and review if you want to say anything about my story. As per the standard, I would like to note that I own nothing. I am a hobo in the middle of a desert who someone has a computer with internet connection, apparently.**

**So I'm not making any money out of this, but if you want to send some money to me, PM me and we can come up with some kind of arrangement.**

Defence against The Dark Arts.

Taught by Professor Quirrel, who was possessed by Voldemort, who was hidden inside his turban.

Hmm. There wouldn't be an open attack yet.

_Should I aggravate him or not? I could do… But that would mean Voldemort might do something unplanned._

"T-today we're g-g-g-going to go through the b-b-b-basics of Defence against the d-d-d-dark arts."

_Okay, this is going to take a while. Hmm. If only I could… Ah, he's going to go over some basic wand manouvers… Okay…_

I did every exercise, taking care to fumble like everyone else.

_Our timetable is STUPID. This would've been important for all the others in Transfiguration earlier._

Basic stuff. Knockback charm was the first spell we learnt. Huh.

"_FLIPENDO!"_ I shouted, and the target remained exactly as it was.

However, I hadn't aimed it at the target. I shifted at the last moment towards a mirror on the wall behind the target, which caused the spell to bounce and ricochet until…

Boom. Headshot.

Quirrell went cold.

All the other students went around him.

"Oi! Ye little blighters, give the man some air, and let's get him to the Infirmary. However… We need to check his head for any trauma."

This was a rather naughty ruse of me, but it was interesting as an experiment to see what Riddle would do.

"…NO." A voice sounded, slightly too raspy to be Qurrel, but having a lot of similarities in some of the tonnage, like it was a bad actor trying to change how he sounds.

"I… I… will be f-f-ine. R-run along t-t-t-to your next l-l-lesson."

Everyone left quickly, except for me.

I waited by the door.

"See ya, TOM."

I then ran off quickly and moved to my next lesson quickly.

It was a fairly boring Muggle Studies lesson. Huh. This was an optional course when I was in school. Ah well.

I knew Voldemort wouldn't attack another teacher, not yet. He still needed the Philosopher's Stone.

Besides. I had a weapon in my arsenal. Harry Potter. The power of his mother's love would protect him. And thus can be used as a weapon.

I checked the book for when the protection 'fails'.

The Triwizard Tournament. Huh. Blood gets taken, father's flesh taken, servant's flesh…

Voldemort was about as sick as a necrophiliac.

That made my mind wander a bit, and I started to retch slightly at the thought of a snakelike being banging a corpse.

* * *

The rest of the next few weeks were fairly mundane.

Lessons came and passed, and I pretended to be learning these spells. Quirrel was too timid to question me directly, and kept looking for fault in what I was doing. He couldn't find anything, and went back to his usual stuttering self.

I had plans if they tried to give me detention unfairly.

McGonagall was examining everything I did closely, giving me the impression that she noticed that I partially succeeded in my first lesson.

Snape examined everything I did too, but at a distance, almost as if he was scared of my knowledge of him.

It was on the 3rd of October when I realised something.

_The Troll. It's coming soon. And because of my actions, Hermione is GOOD friends with the trio .I need to get her crying in that bathroom._

I checked the date when the troll appeared.

_OH MERLIN! You're fogging kidding me? The 5__th__? I've got 2 days to make a little girl cry?_

Then I realised something.

_Wait a second… Female. Interested in me. I think I've got a plan._

Later on that day, I managed to somehow be on my own with Hermione, who was awkward to be around when you've met her as a pensioner.

We exchanged some ideas about magic, that kind of thing… The usual shizz that super-intelligent people do, I guess. It was amusing, I think. Hermione was considered the brightest witch in our year, but I was considered as the most useful since I kinda… taught everyone a few super-advanced spells. Summoning was useful for them all, and we had a week of objects zooming around.

Even I eventually heard the rumours on the 4th.

_Heh. They all think me and Hermione are an item. Good. Now, knowing the mentality of the girl… I would say that the next time I'm alone with her, she'll ask me how I feel about her._

_If I say, ew, no, you're butt ugly and all that jazz, she'll run off crying into the toilet [why do they call it a bathroom? There was no bath or shower in there, and only Americans call them bathrooms in the case where there's just toilets and sinks in there… Unless you bathe in a sink.], and then I can suggest the Trio to Wingardium Leviosa a club on it._

And so, on the fifth, early on in the day, between lessons, Hermione asked me quietly.

"John… How do you feel about… us, as friends?"

_For the Goddesses sakes, you really should try to be more subtle. I notice you're wearing the school jumper that's slightly too big for you, which means it hangs a bit over one shoulder, meaning more of your neck is visible on one side. Listen girl, if I didn't know your future self, I would maybe bang you, maybe even like you. However… You grow to become a really smelly old catlady who runs a library which one feels guilty when borrowing books from._

_I presume most of that happened after Ron died. Also, I'm not going to be in this timeline forever. I need to get home._

I realised I had been stuck in my thoughts for more than 3 minutes.

"Uh… John?" Hermione said, waving her hand in front of my face.

I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I can see where you're getting at here. Trust me, I'm not interested in you any more than as a friend."

I noticed a small vestige of hope laced with disappointment in her eyes.

"Hey, don't give me the sad cat look! Listen, if you're that desperate for a boyfriend to brag about to your fellow females, why don't you try out Ron? He's TOTALLY into you."

_Hmm. A bit of nasty, a bit of prophecy… Hmm. I don't recall having much truck with relationships in either my muggle school or in Hogwarts the first time round. Maybe their hormones are supercharged in a slightly psychic realization of Voldemort's return._

"DESPERATE? YOU THINK I'M DESPERATE?"

She was screaming at me.

_Hey, you shoulda expected this, man._

_Yeah, I know… Bet she runs off crying in 3… 2… 1._

She ran off crying into the direction of the girls' toilets.

_YES! WE HAVE A WINNER!_ _I'll make it up to you later, be your boyfriend for a month or something. Or hook you up to a vibrator so you're less tense, sheesh. Is there such a thing as a wizarding sex shop? I know the Weasley's had a adult range… Meh, I'll find them next time I'm in Diagon Alley._

[**AN: He hasn't made the connection yet that Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes are owned by Ron's brothers, admittedly one of them dead now since the war. To be fair, if you guys saw Mister Brown's Bakers, would you think it was Gordon Brown's brother? Probably not.**]

* * *

Later on, teatime.

I had some quite spiffy lasagne, made for me by a lovely houseelf. I noticed the houseelves at Hogwarts were the standard house-elf- short, stubby, and rather gross. However, they had lovely attitudes to work.

In comparison, I knew a guy back in the day who had tall, sensual beautiful elves as workers… I guess they were closer to their wild cousins than the standard house elf, mutated through inbreeding.

Then.

"TROLL! IN THE DUNGEONS!" Quirrel ran into the room.

Everyone looked at him.

"Thought you'd like to know." He fell over.

**I loved this scene. Not much else I can say about it really.**

There was panic.

I grabbed Harry and Ron.

"C'mon! Whoever let that thing in has let it in so they can get whatever's locked in that room! Also, what's between the staircase up that way and the dungeons?" I asked, seeing them look completely lost.

"Oh, for heaven's sakes, do I have to explain this? I made Hermione cry. Hermione is in girl's bathroom. Troll will go past Girl's bathroom, will smell human flesh. Troll go bam-bam, no annoying geniuses, no-one to pull us out of trouble if one of us doesn't know a spell. Also, you won't have a girlfriend in the future, Ron."

I ran off in that direction, followed by Ron and Harry. Ron was rather pissed and confused about my girlfriend comment. Harry probably had suspected from the beginning that I'm from the future anyway, so his face was contorted with thought.

We got inside the toilet.

"Hermione, are you okay?" I asked, mentally kicking myself for not letting Ron say those words. I sounded like some kind of hero.

_Great. I'm Link with the courage, she's Zelda with the Wisdom. Who has the power then?_

The troll blundered into the room.

_ME._

"RIGHT THEN! Harry, you start to cast levitation spells on his club when he's not paying attention, try to knock him out. Ron, cast summoning charms at the mirrors, then use a knockback charm to throw the shards at this beastie. I'll just… heal up Hermione here, and then join you, okay?"

"YOU WANT US TO TAKE ON THAT?" Ron screamed, very femininly.

"Dude, trust me. If you really want to know… I'm from the future. I read about you guys doing this. Now go and beat that beastie! And don't tell anyone that I'm a timetraveller."

Ron and Harry nodded, and they went off to battle.

"_Waise Heill._" I muttered, and all of Hermione's wounds began to heal.

"That's the best I can do. Now, start casting as many spells as you can at this beastie. I'll do the same."

She nodded, and left the cubicle.

I did too.

"_Protego Tantellagra Expeliarmus Avadocado Magicalis Maxima!" _I improvised.

A shield charm over its mouth and nose to prevent it from breathing, a vine charm to immobilise it, a disarming charm to let Harry knock it out, Avadocado because it sounded cool, and a magic booster to boost everyone else's charms, DUH.

Harry hit it on the head, and then it fell to the ground.

Then it started to convulse as it suffocated.

"John, turn off the shield charm! You're killing it!"

I felt a fire grow within me, something that I hadn't unleashed since I first learnt how to duel.

"Let it die. It'll be more humane this way. I'd Avada Kedava it if it wasn't illegal. Trolls that fail to kill non-trolls are considered by their tribe to be not worthy. The only honourable way out is death."

Hermione looked at me, her face covered with obvious fear of me.

"You're… Dark?"

"No. I have not turned to the dark. I'm just not Light enough to let this creature be killed in a death unfitting for a young warrior. This way, his spirit will find peace."

"But he's a troll! They're mindless beasts!" said Ron, being as ignorant as ever.

"Ron. Wizards once thought of Muggles the same way. Don't be so prejudiced like that without knowing the facts, otherwise law or no law, I WILL kill you."

_They're constantly getting in my way. I probably should've gone to take this beast on my own… But I wanted to distance myself from Hermione. Making Ron look like a good person by revealing the darker side to myself should work in bringing them together._

Then Hermione kissed me. _Bugger._

"John. Calm the FUCK down, and stop threatening people."

_She just… she just… That's it. I'm coming clean to these people before it gets weird._

"Don't you tell me to calm down, you daft bitch! I've travelled through time and space to get here… I'm technically older than you, which is why I was AVOIDING your motions towards me. In the future, you and Ron have a gazillion kids [**AN. I actually wrote squids originally here. Dunno why. Hehe. My mind's weird. Then again, I keep on writing Haruhi instead of Hermione every now and then. I watch too much anime.**], and I'm just here to prevent all the deaths that happen when Voldemort comes back."

Ron shivered at the sound of the word Voldemort.

Harry looked at me.

"He… comes back?"

"Yep. In 20 days, a unicorn will die in the Forbidden Forest, right when you have detention and have to be out there. There you will come across Voldemort as a ghostly form. Later on, you'll find your way to the Philosopher's Stone, which has been locked in the school, and take on Voldemort. Your mother's sacrifice means that if you touch Voldemort physically, it will hurt his soul, which is all that's left of him."

"So… We have a method of killing him?" Harry said, his face hardening.

"No. Not kill. But we'll go into killing him later… For now, we need him to stop teaching at this school via possession."

"HAH! I told you it was Snape, Harry!" Ron said.

I looked at the Trio sadly, and tutted.

"Ron, I would kill you now for assuming like that if I wasn't so awesome. It's actually Quirrel, and he's disguising the giant face on the back of his head with that turban of his."

"So… If you poke him, Harry, Voldy will leave this school for a while. I'll give you your biography if you want to see your future…"

I pulled out the book.

I gave it to Harry.

He read some of the pages.

"This has my…"

"Thoughts, yes. Pensieve bits were used to write some of it. I'll explain what a pensieve is later."

-

Eventually, after a quick look through the book, McGonagall came, just as Harry was reading that part.

"What the… You four shouldn't be in here. Who killed the troll?"

_Hmm. She seems more like she's expecting this than the book suggested. In that version it was a case of WTH?_

"We all did, McGonagall. While the rest of your school was running around like a headless chicken, we decided to take it on."

"Young Mister Drake, You are and underage wizard! All of you four are! And even fully trained wizards have difficulty taking on a troll."

"Listen, Professor, lemme tell you something. That is a Mountain Troll from a region that is plentiful in food and water. How can I tell? The primitive bags it carries on its belt are full. Trolls only keep food and skulls in there, and this troll was too scrawny as far as they go. Sure, it would have been a trouble for most of the students here, if they fought alone, but we worked effectively in a team, using courage, planning, passion, and wisdom. All in all, the traits which each of the Founders are associated with. So… I would suggest that you either give Gryffindor some points for our heroic deeds, get out of our way, and get some people in here to clean up, okay?"

_A bit of a risk telling her what to do in such a rude fashion, but hey, she's a logical lady… She'd do the right thing._

"I would advise you, Mister Drake not to speak to me so rudely in future. However… What you say is true, and you four have acted honourably. I will grant Gryffindor 150 points each, but take away 20 from each of you, for disobeying instructions to go to your common rooms."

"That puts us in the lead for the House Cup!" Hermione squealed, her tears from earlier mysteriously having disappeared…

_Maybe she's worked out how to completely dry her face wandlessly, since her face was completely drenched in tears earlier…_

"Hermione, the House Cup doesn't matter. The important thing is the reasons why this troll was released into the school. Tell me, McGonagall… Was Quirrel the only witness of the troll entering the school?"

"I am not obliged to tell you that, Drake."

"Very well. In that case, Professor, I and the others will snoop around for clues the moment you are not paying attention to us. I would suggest that you increase the amount of wards on the Philosopher's Stone."

"You know?"

"Oh yes. It was rather elementary, really, my dear Minerva…. But I won't divulge the secrets of my… snooping." I smiled slightly, realising that I had everything under control, "And I do believe that me and my friends are very tired… It isn't every day one defeats a monster of this size at our ability levels…"

I walked past McGonagall, and the other three followed.

-

"What the heck was that?"

"What do you mean, Ron?"

"TELLING her we're going to look for clues?"

"Yes. I can see what you mean here. I did that because I want to give the impression of a good and controlling student. While she's paying attention to my own agendas, you guys will be completely unnoticed when you have to face Voldemort's new form."

Ron shivered at the sound of Voldemort's chosen name.

"Oh, it scares you Ron? Fear of a name only causes fear of the thing itself. If you'd like, we could call him by his real name, Riddle, and we could talk about it in the open with other students around then…"

"Hmm… Okay."

"Harry, you've been reading that book for a bit… What do you think about it? It's enchanted so only those I allow can read the original content inside it. That way, you can leave it in the open. However, I didn't have enough time to make the enchantment particularly powerful, so anyone of, say…. Hermione's level in 3 years or above would be able to break it."

"My level in 3 years?" asked Hermione, interrupting Harry before he was able to speak.

"Yeah. You become one of the most powerful witches in the world, and actually become the head librarian by my time."

"Your time… So you really are a…"

"Time traveller, born on Earth ten generations or so after Voldemort's end. Studied in Hogwarts, kinda almost sort of in a roundabout way some would say that I'm in an on-off relationship with Sol Lovegood, Taurus, Roughly slightly less than six foot high in my full adult form, not seen here since I'm meant to mix in with all of you, and thus be of similar physical proportions, one of the few people in the world with a aptitude for non-animate object enchantments and Muggle mechanics, owns a time machine with many features similar to the Delorean in the Back To The Future Films… Anything else?"

Silence… Then…

"So… My touch makes Voldemort be pulled out of Quirell?"

"Pretty much. However, you MUST get the Philosopher's Stone and destroy it, otherwise he'll just take it again, or keep it on him in the final battle."

"Oh."

"Also… There's an interesting point. Voldemort will soon kill a unicorn in the Forbidden Forest to replenish his health. I was sent back to save as many as possible. So, you need to get into detention with Snape by… Halloween."

"What? You're kidding me?"

"I kid you not. You need to piss him off so bad that you are sentenced to go with Hagrid into the Forbidden Forest for some reason that isn't in the book I think, on that day."

"There's no way I can get into detention so accurately on one day…"

"Actually… Harry, I have an idea. But I'll need your invisibility cloak."

"Huh? Invisibility cloak?"

"Ah, feck. You don't have it yet, do you? I'll have to do some invisibility charms, or just take your future one off of my car… I'll stick with the charms."

"What're you going to do?" asked Hermione, her 'no talking in the library' face she has in the future coming in.

"I'm going to… Go to the lab… And see what's on the slab… I shiver with antici… pation."

I placed the charms on myself quickly before they could question me further, then ran away.

The last I heard from the trio was Hermione: "Harry, I don't think Ron got the reference then. Did you bring a DVD player? We should all watch Rocky Horror tonight."

* * *

"_I sneaked and I slinked with exceptional grace… Except when I knocked over a vase._

_The night had come, and my mini-war had begun, I was the side story in the tale of the Chosen One._

_I really need to work out some better rhymes, but howabout instead we steal some of Snape's Thyme?"_

I had sneaked into Snape's labs. Funnily enough, the dungeon appearance was a front for the chemistry labs of a very normal nature that were underground.

Down here, everything is white, except for the materials that he uses.

There was even a Periodic Table here.

We had a man capable of alchemy, dreaming of doing chemistry.

I knew where to go. Various items I would need were Bloomslang Skin, some Chameleon fur, an eye of newt [for no real reason, I just wanted an newt's eye to gross out some people later], some partially pre-made Polyjuice, which was next a box filled with hair, marked 'dumbledore', which Snape kept behind a picture of McGonagall…

_Okay, if I ever tell anyone about this trip, I'm not telling anyone about Snape's casual identity stealing and using on McGonagall… I am SO glad they're dead by my time, or I would feel sick._

I also went to his fridge, and took a box of chocolate frogs, some dragon meat substitute sandwiches [Basically filled with a vegetable that tastes kinda like dragonmeat does… Y'know, like Tofu tastes like blood… **it doesn't, which is why it's a poor substitute for meat.**], and a bottle of Coke, which was the wizarding kind which still had traces of cocaine in it. Hey, I rarely drink the stuff.

Then I sneaked back out.

Then went to the seventh floor of the main building.

_Room, open for me now, I don't have Harry with me, so I guess the timeline's still fairly intact, so you're happy… I need somewhere to stash this stuff so Snape's suspicious of Harry in a way that corresponds with the real events in the original timeline._

A metal door appeared.

_Hmm… This is the room where stuff is hidden, right? And one of Voldy's horcruxes are in here… Fiendfyre stops them… so does the Basilisk's venom… I think I'm going to have to take a side excursion from the main plot and deal with some of the future stuff…_

I went in there and found… A mess.

_Ah, bugger._

_Wait. Idea._

"_Accio something that's holding the diadem within which Tom Marvolo Riddle placed a part of his soul in!"_

A cupboard came flying at me, with the diadem inside.

_All you need to do is cast the right spell, and…_

SMACK!

The cupboard missed me by a few milimeters and hit the wall behind me. Blocking any exit.

_Hmm. _

"_Wingardium Leviosa?"_I said, levitating the cupboard, shaking it a bit in midair so the diadem fell out, then throwing it to one side.

I put Snape's lab's stuff in a bag that I saw nearby, that looked oddly familiar to me.

I picked up the diadem.

I felt a strong urge to hold it above my head and wandlessly and non-verbally make it hover, like Link would have done in the Zelda games.

_Hmm… I wonder if there's a book on how to cast FiendFyre, accessible via the Room…_

I carried the diadem out.

_Um… room? This is kinda against the rules of time travel, but since this is only a tiny part of the 'plot' of this universe, d'ya think you can get me a room on Dark Magic, most notably FiendFyre?_

Another door appeared, this one pink and with images of Hello Kitty on it.

_THAT'S the Dark Arts room? Freaky…_

I went in.

And then… There was colour.

I could see a billion billion prinpricks of light surrounding me. This room had access to all the information in all the libraries in all the universes in all of existence!

The lights changed shape, and eventually turned into billions of bookshelves, and everything, even the air, giving a sensation of bookspace.

_I've found L-Space. The theoretical actualisation of phase space theory, where any library is connected, since all books and texts are similar in that they all contain knowledge! Terry Prattchett came up with this idea in his Discworld stories… But he didn't realise the true implication! A person could read their own story, and know their future… What would have happened if Rincewind got a hold of one of the books starring him?_

I noticed a plate on the wall. I read it.

**Yo. John. Your universe IS, indeed, fictional to other universes. In fact… you aren't even the main fiction. You're fanfiction, written by me, your ordinary bored teenager fanfiction writer on the planet Earth in the year 2009. So… I'd advise you not to go on any adventures in L-Space. Trust me, universe hopping is not only something I've covered in another fiction, it's a sign of not being happy with your own universe. And believe me when I say that I'm trying to make you happy in this universe… But also, you have a job to do, saving lives. I've deactivated that horcrux. There's no chance of it affecting anyone. Also… It does bestow wisdom on the wearer. So… Yeah, I'd advise you to hide it somewhere… Knowing everything isn't worth it. You just God Mode and die from brain overload. I won't be giving you any Author intervention again, unless you go too far off course. Um… Stay safe, and don't have any sex with underage girls. And don't deny you were thinking it while you were here. You're based on my mental patterns, and I really feel that I would be a sex crazed addict with a strong amount of my regular charm back then if I was given my 11 year old body… Be glad I'm not putting you through puberty… I could've made this trip painful for you. Oh, and Sol's okay, just missing you. When you return, you'll have to come back a year after you left to prevent any mind/reality issues from occuring. Okay, I think I'm writing too much, so… Yeah, live long and prosper, and don't join the Dark Side! – Dyldo.**

I read it all the way through.

_DAMMNIT! I bet this becomes a regular occurrence, like on Bob and George!_

I agreed with all the points Dyldo… My Author… Had made.

So, I left the L-Space Room, and hid the diadem in the storage room.

Then I really needed a wee, since I had drunk that coke earlier, so the room became a toilet, and I weed.

Then I went back to Gryffindor Common room, feeling quite accomplished that one of the seven Horcruxes was destroyed, and we weren't even finished with the first book in the biographies.

_Ah. Shit. If Harry reads ALL the way through, it could change history. What if he knows he's meant to 'die' at the end from the beginning?_

I focused, and instantly denied Harry access to the book.

Hopefully, if the charms were on it correctly, the text would have suddenly changed into a walkthrough for the game Pokemon HeartGold, which doesn't exist yet, so it would have been nonsense for Harry… Hopefully. He could leak the information about the Pokemon onto the internet, but that's about it.

* * *

I hung around the common room for a bit, playing about with some spells and some of the dust in the air. I had a small rabbit made entirely of dust, and I was making it run around the air.

Then. An explosion, and a certain pair of twins appeared in the room, flying through the air, their faces covered in soot as they fell from the boy's dormitories.

"Fred, I do believe that was epic."

"George, I am inclined to agree with you!"

I laughed.

The pair looked at me.

"Ah… Could this be the elusive Mister Drake of which our leetle brother spake of?" said one of them, twitching his ear.

"I do believe it could be, brother of mine…"

I laughed again.

"You guys are legendary, you know that? There's kids in this school who are spreading rumours about you guys… Apparently the rumour goes that you're working on a 'skiving snackbox'…" I said, grinning.

Playing around with the past when you know the future is awesome.

"You…. You know about our little project?" one of them, possibly Fred, said, his face shocked.

"Oh yeah. I reckon you should have a pastille for throwing up, so you get alliteration in the name… Maybe a jelly baby for measles? Ooh, and a Bertie-botts style bean for constipation, for the more adventurous student!"

They laughed for a long time.

"Y'know, you're alright. We were going to beat you up for allegedly stealing Ronniekin's little girlfriend, but we won't. You're too much like us for doing that."

I smiled evilly.

"I also know about the Marauders. And their real identities."

I got up and walked out of the room, listening to Fred and George exclaim in shock.

Then one of them followed me, with the other one presumably too overcome with surprise to move.

"You… know about the Marauders? And that we have their…" he trailed off.

"Their map? Yeah. No-one else knows though. Useful tool, that. Fairly easy to make, once you know how."

"So… What're their real names?"

"A-ha, that'd be telling, wouldn't it? How about you do something for me, and then maybe I'll tell you the name of one of them… How about… Prongs. I'll tell you his name, for that price."

"Prongs AND Padfoot."

"Oooh, you want a better deal, hmm? Okay, I'll throw in Padfoot too, and that should give you enough of a clue as to who the rest are, if you know of other infamous teenagers in Hogwarts' history."

I chuckled, for no reason other than that it seemed appropriate.

"… Okay. What is it that you wish me to do?"

I smiled again, trying to seem devious.

"I want you to keep track of where Quirrel goes. I know something's up, something behind the scenes of this school, and I suspect that Quirrel is at the center of it all."

"Quirrel? Stuttering Quirrel? Why?"

"Let's call it… a hunch."

"… Okay. I'll leave a report of his doings by your bedside before you wake each day."

"Thank you. After I get the first one, I'll give you the names of Prongs and Padfoot."

I smiled. _That's probably the smoothest negotiations I've ever had with anyone for anything…. The only thing that was easier I guess is that time I was persuading someone to do my Potions homework in the original timeline._

I walked off faster, leaving whichever twin it was to go and tell his brother about what we talked about.

* * *

I checked my watch.

_Hmm… It'll be dark soon. I should head back, but it would look silly… Hmm. There IS something I want to check before I eventually go into the future again…_

I went to a girl's toilet, casting invisibility charms on myself. Different from the one with the troll in it earlier, naturally, since that one had been magically blocked, this one was a lot smaller.

I walked in.

I heard a splash.

"Hello? Miss Myrtle? Would you like to chat about anything? I heard rumours about you, and I was curious!" I said, appealing to her emo desire to explain why she's so depressed.

A really geeky girl appeared in front of me.

"Where are you?"

"Right in front of you. I've got some invisibility charms on, since it would be rather awkward if I was found in a girl's toilet…"

"Why, because the girl is dead?" she said, fury building.

"Actually, it's because people would think I'm attracted to you. I'd rather be invisible than have people gossip about me, wouldn't you?"

She blushed, which meant that her cheeks became more transparent.

"Now… I wonder what kept you on Earth? What unfinished business you have?"

She blushed even more at this. _Okay, I know I'm awesome, but getting a girl blushing this much from just regular talking is a bit over the top. At this rate, she'll be invisible too with her entire body going red. _

"Hey…Here's the deal, since you won't tell me about your reasons for staying on Earth…. You take off your glasses for a second, and I'll turn off my charms, okay?"

She looked really nervous then.

_Yegads, this girl is really shy, isn't she? Then again, I am coming on to her a bit strong… Without her glasses, she wouldn't be so bad… I'm good at making girls more stylish as a result of having a semi-demi-hemi-girlfriend back home who is mad about hair styling, perhaps we can make Moaning Myrtle a bit more of a Smiling Myrtle._

She took her glasses off. _Okay, not bad. Nice face structure, nose is right…. Hair of the perfect length… Fugging hell, this girl could actually become… sexy. Sure, she's got ghost-spots, since she died as a early teenager, but I think we could still work with this._

I turned off my invisibility charms.

"Myrtle, what would you say if I could make you… sexy?"

Her face went completely transparent for a second, then returned to normal.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty good at makeovers, thanks to an ex of mine, so…"

She considered it for all of ten seconds.

"Yeah, let's do this!"

_Huh. I was expecting more… moaning from the moaner._

I started with her glasses.

She needed them to see, something which I thought was STUPID when you're a ghost.

_For gods' sakes girl, you actually don't need these…. That's your mind clinging onto the memories of when you were alive. Ah well, I COULD enchant something to help you._

I examined the glasses, and made it so that the air in front of Myrtle's eyes would become denser and allow her to see easily through. This does mean, however, that she could feasibly hurt someone without the extreme concentration by pushing her head really quickly at them, the dense air acting like a club, but I doubted this insecure girl would do such a thing.

Then I wanted to work her hair.

"Myrtle, sweetie, can you focus on being solid for a moment? I want to do your hair."

She closed her eyes, and I found I could play with her hair.

I pulled out a comb from my pockets, and started to brush it.

We spent more than an hour trying to tame her hair, and eventually I got it into a really nice way.

She had bangs of hair, framing her face, and a ponytail-ish thing coming out of the back.

I recall cutting bits using my wand at one point, since it was uneven.

Then I realised that she still wasn't right.

"Myrtle… You need a new wardrobe."

"But… My mother made this…"

"Do you like it?"

"Whuh?"

"Do you like that jumper, the one your mother made you?"

"… Not really."

"There. Now, trust me… I'm not as mean as most of the kids here… I'll make you more attractive than you were, even if it kills me."

This got a small blush off the ghost girl a few seconds later, as the implication was that she was beautiful to start with.

I tried to think of an outfit that would suit her, and then decided that bright colours would be best, but since she's a ghost… And since I can only make things out of the clothes she's wearing…

I closed my eyes, and imagined the fibers from her jumper and her skirt coming off and entering the air in a big spiral.

I resisted the urge to open my eyes and see the ghost girl naked, especially since she was clearly screeching at me.

I made the jumper's cotton turn into a loose fitting black shirt, and I made the trousers a little more like jeans.

I left the shoes as they were, because they looked kinda funky and retro.

I used her old hairbands and turned them into long fingerless gloves with stripes, which would've been rainbows if she was alive.

I made the spell permanent on her, and so that her clothes would easily change depending on her mood. So, if her moods change much, her clothes would too, mostly on the shade of grey that they are. I put in a little subclause in the nature of the spell, the part which is entirely mental, which would give her bigger breasts when she was slightly aroused. What? She's as flat as a pancake!

"_Allegris Tortina Surenti Emma Myrtle!"_

I opened my eyes.

Myrtle was there… But not the same Myrtle.

"Whoa…" she said, stunned. She went over to the mirror next to the sink with the marking of a snake on the side of the tap.

"Like it, hmm? Thought you would."

"Like it? I bloody LOVE YOU FOR THIS!"

I chuckled.

"Yeah, well, anything to help a fellow easily depressed person, eh? I've got to go now, but I'll visit from time to time, unless I get expelled or something…"

Her eyes were gleaming with something.

_Ah. Hero worship. Hehehe… She should be glad I didn't just give her a loli look… It was so tempting…_

I walked out, waving away her thanks.

The last I saw of Myrtle that night was of her flying through the air in her new outfit towards the Slytherin Common Room.

I went back into the Gryffindor Common room, and went to bed.

_This has been… a productive day._

**Hey people, I bet you're wondering 2 things.**

**Why did you make this chapter so long?**

**Quite honestly, because it was a LONG DAY for John, and we'll work this out by days.**

**Why help Myrtle?**

**Because… John sympathises with Myrtle. Mostly because I do. I have run off and cried in the toilets many times, in a fashion similar to Myrtle [but manlier, of course], because my clothes stank after playing football during breaktime, and I realised that I was unappealing to a girl I spoke to afterwards. I eventually came up with a secret plan though, to make myself somewhat hotter, as a guy. Always keep a comb in your pocket, always have some wet wipes in your bag, [remember the Hitchiker's Rule: Always bring a towel], and don't forget deodorant and aftershave. Soon enough, I had girls flirting with me. Amusingly, I didn't notice the flirts often until the day was done, when I was walking home, and realised "Waitaminiute… Was she hinting that…" … Almost EVERY GIRL I HAVE HAD A CRUSH ON has hinted that they were interested in me… And, in fact, even when I start going out with one of them, they usually mention it if they get drunk at all, to which I'm like "What, you had a crush on me? What the fuck? I had a crush on you! We so should have done the horizontal mambo back then, rather than now…"…**

**Also... Let's face it, the actress who plays Myrtle is kinda hot, if she wears the right clothes and is in the right light....**


	4. Chapter 4: won't bupdating4abit

Uh... Hi. I'm getting a bit burned out with fanfiction, and probably won't write much for a while... I know I've got 3 stories on the go, but I've got exams coming in january that I need to focus on...

I'll get back on the fiction in february, okies?


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